Happy Birthday

Today is a special day. Its a special day because today is my birthday. Yep, my birthday.

Got up from bed, took a shower, shaved, and picked out my best clothes. Put on my eau de toilette, mirror check, (damn I look fly...), and out the door I went.

It was just before sundown,but the weather still humid, it made me sweat a little more than I'd prefer, but hey this is the country I love, and this should not bother me on this day my birthday. As I wiped the sweat off my forehead, I hailed for the taxi coming up the road towards me, hoping it was empty. It was, and I waved my arm faster. Just as I thought the taxi was slowing down, I put one foot off the curb, but it didn't went past me and nearly ran over my foot. "What was his problem?" I said to myself. Not letting that spoil my day, I remained positive, and decided to use the LRT instead, as the station was 5 minutes away. I thought, why not, its a good enough public transportation, and its cheaper.

Reached the station, went up the stairs and towards the ticket counters. The line for the manual ticket counter was huge, so I headed for the ticket machines instead. I pressed the button indicating my destination, and put in the required amount. As I put in my last syiling to complete the amount, the machine suddenly resets, returning my money, but also producing the ticket. Taking this as a gift because its my birthday, I took the free ticket and headed for the platform. After 3 minutes, the train arrived , the doors open, and I walk in. The train was packed, so I had to stand, but thankful that I get a spot in the corner so I could lean on the side. In front of me was a lady holding the hands of a little girl. The little girl was adorable, but cried when she saw my face. I'm no Brad Pitt, but this is embarrassing. I had 6 stops to go. But it's all good. Its a good day today. Its my birthday.

The second stop after the one I got on, the train became less crowded, and left one seat near me open. I was ready to sit, when I saw an elderly woman of maybe 90 standing, so I went up to her and said

"excuse me maam...theres a seat over there free, I think it would be more comfortable for you if you sat down"

The old lady, without even looking at me, walked slowly towards the open seat, and sat down. A little thank you would have been nice. But this was expected maybe, courtesy in this country doesn't get rewarded much. Well maybe she was scared or shy to talk to me, she was really old. So, still feeling optimistic for the day, kept my head held high, and returned to my spot in the corner.

After two more stops, the train was practically empty, and finally got a chance to sit. The ones left was an old man 3 seats to my left and a woman with a small boy beside her, who i'm assuming is her son. After a few minutes of silence, I gave a friendly gesture to the old man and proceeded by saying

"How are ya doin' today sir?"

The old man, turned his head slowly towards me, paused, and with a confused look replied

"Umm, fine fine. So young man, where are you off to today?" he asked

"I'm off to my girlfriends house, gonna surprise her, before she surprises me....because its my birthday today you see.." I replied

"Well well, its your birthday today is it? well congratulations young man" the old man said

"Thank You sir. How about you sir? where are you headed to today?" I ask

"Oh me? I'm just an old man who loves riding this thing. I just ride the train from one end to the other" He explains

"Seriously? that's an interesting activity. Tell me sir, all the while you've been doing this anything wierd happen on this train?" I ask trying to make conversation

"Well, not really, probably i'm the weirdest thing" He said laughing

Obliging his laugh, I laugh along.

As both of us settled down, the train arrived at my destination. Just as I got up, the old man said

"See you young man, remember to breathe later"

"See you sir...ummm...thanks" I said looking confused

I exited the train, towards the stairs and down off the platform. Headed for the exit out to the streets.

The call to prayer erupted all around me from the mosque nearby. The soothing sound of the bilal always soothes my mind. It reminds me of home.

My house was 20 minutes walk from the LRT station. I didn't mind, my girlfriend's neighbourhood was safe enough and today is my birthday, nothing would bother me today.

As I approached her house, I smiled because it was all lit up, and I knew I had beat her to her surprise birthday party for me. I fell for it last year, but not this year, this year I beat her to it. As I walked through the gates, the only thing on my mind was the look on her face...haha...yes it's going to be priceless.

I approached the front door, I put my ear to the door and heard people chatting.This is gonna be sweet. I'm gonna bust through, and shout surprise to everyone else in the room who were there to surprise me. So, I straightened up, readied myself , pushed the doors wide open and...

"SURPRISE!!!!!!" I shouted with a big smile on my face

Silence...

Something was amiss here. Yes there were a lot of people here, but they didn't even move a muscle when I shouted. What's going on here?? Can it be that they knew I was coming and planned to ignore me? But not a muscle moved? Surely not. Wait a minute. Why are they dressed like this? and why are they so sad. Its my birthday damn it. Its not a sad occasion !

"Hey, c'mon guys. stop playing around, you got me ok?..." I said out loud

Still nothing

I walked towards the crowd and saw my best friend and said

"Eh bro, c'mon stop playing around, this is not funny anymore. Say something" I said desperately

Still he ignored me. I was angry now and stretched out my arm and reached for his shoulders. As soon as my hands touched me, I heard his voice, but the weird thing was his lips wasn't moving.

"That guy was the best", "My brother for life", "Not the same without him"... his voice said

"Hey bro, what's with you? when did you learn ventriloquism?" I asked

But no response again

I saw another close friend, reached out, touched his shoulder and

"The things I do for appearances sake", "I only hung out with him because of..", "What a waste of time"

I was shocked to hear those things from him. He was like a brother to me.

"They can't hear you young man" a voice behind me said

Startled, I turned around, and to my surprise, It was the old man from the train

"You. How come you're here sir? and how do you know they can't hear me?" I said

"I'm here because everything has a reason, and the reason is why i'm here" The old man said

"What? you're not making sense old man" I snapped

"Think. why did that taxi driver miss you and almost ran over your foot? Why did that little girl cry when she saw you? Why did the old woman ignore you? and why don't your friends hear you?" the old man said

"The taxi driver was reckless and stupid, because I don't have the most accommodating of faces, the old woman was 90, she probably was too tired to talk, and my friends are playing a prank on me" I answered

"Hahahah...excellent answers but all irrelevant young man" the old man replied

"Then why then? why?" I shouted feeling annoyed

"Because, today is not your birthday young man. These people aren't here to celebrate your birthday. Its the anniversary of your death.....its your deathday"

Ending it

The phone rings. That ring tone that special ring tone I only assign to her, plays. Normally, I am over the moon that she's calling. But, these days, these last few weeks she'll be here, Its getting harder to hang out with her. Its getting harder because I'm actually thinking of telling her everything.

Me and Anna, we've been close since high school. We were never in the same class throughout high school. We met when we were............how did we meet?, I forget, it seems so natural our friendship, Its as if we were born friends. When we left school, she went off to Matriculation, while I enrolled in college. Even then we were close, closer even. She would tell me stories of the idiots she dated, even smashed one of those random dudes in the face once for her. I would tell her my problems with my 2 girlfriends that I accumulated all my life. I guess, I never really paid attention to them, because deep down, she was all the womanly companion I needed, and this past year, the feelings became stronger.

She hooks up with another dude this year. As much as I hate to say it, this guy is actually decent, cool even. He even supports Arsenal for god's sake. This is unfair. If she wanted an Arsenal supporting cool dude, why is she not considering me? And you know what the sick thing is? I was the one who introduced them.

Yes we do the whole double date thing. None of my dates mattered, I just wanted to be with her.....none except one. Her name was Veronica, but everyone calls her Ronnie. She treated me so well, its hard for me not to get attached. She was my college mate. We met a few times at college events, and it so happened Anna called and asked if I was up for a double date. I said yes, even though I had no one to ask out. So, at one of the events, Me and Ronnie were talking, and I just upped and asked. And she said ok.

The first double date scenario with Ronnie, Anna and her boyfriend Jimmy was bowling of all things. We came separately, Anna and Jimmy was there first. To the horror of my eyes, Me and Ronnie walked into the bowling place and saw them all lovey dovey. I feel sick. We said our hellos, I introduced Ronnie to the lovebirds, and when everyone was comfortable, we started to play. We decided to switch partners, so it was me and Anna against Ronnie and Jimmy. That was fine with me. We actually murdered them that night, which to me is another sign of a beautiful relationship. I don’t care what anyone else says, I believe when you have an amazing chemistry at bowling, you and your partner are set for life……..okay, I’m reaching too high for the stars with that statement, but WE WERE MEANT TO BE !!! I KNOW IT.

Anyway, despite the whirlwind of emotion in my head, the night was a success. The parts when I wasn’t focused on Anna, I actually enjoyed my time with Ronnie. So we continued our relationship despite my obsession with Anna.

What is this event happening in a few weeks that makes me say time is running out? Well, Anna got a scholarship to study abroad. In London, England to be exact. She’s going to be out of the country for 3 years, and she won’t know how I really feel about her. 3 years is a long time, long enough for her to find another guy, and maybe that time, she’ll probably stop looking and call me up and say “ I’ve found him, he’s the one, we’re getting married at the end of the year” at which point I’ll probably say trying to sound supportive “great Anna, I’m so happy for you” but actually thinking , who is this guy, where does he live so that I can kill him…..or probably try and fail, but make an effort surely.

The ring tone keeps ringing, when I finally pick the phone up and answer.

“Took you long enough, you dope” Anna says. I love it when she calls me that.

“Oh sorry, I put my phone on silent mode” I answer rather moodily

Anna senses my sad tone, pauses, and says “ Hey, what’s wrong?, I’m sorry I called you a dope, I….” before she finishes, I cut her off and say

“C’mon, y’know I love it when you call me that,”

“Then, what’s wrong babe” Anna asks curiously, I wished she didn’t that sentence with ‘babe’

“Its just that I need to tell you something important, and I think its better if we meet for me to tell you this” I say rather sternly.

“umm…okay, no problem, anything for you. Tonight, at the spot?” Anna says

“Alright, see you there.”

We have a spot. The spot has been witness to many of our talks. Its open all night, and has unlimited (almost, depending on how much money you have) snacks and drinks at a cheap price, and its no smoking. Our spot is the petrol station near our High School. Yes, a petrol station, laugh all you want people. Its practical, and safe (barring no maniac is actually daft enough to smoke at the petrol station, and blows us up).

I arrive at the spot, and don’t see her car or her in sight. So I park, and go inside to the Doughnut shop inside. I get my hot chocolate and her tea, just the way she likes it, no milk and 2 sugars. I also get my Chocolate Pudding Doughnut and her favorite the PBJ Doughnut. I take the stuff and sit at our usual table, the second table nearest to the entrance. Haha…..I was just thinking about our mentality behind picking that table. I thought we should be nearest to the entrance, so that in the event of a robbery we’ll be on the blind sight of the robber, who will be focused on the cashier, so we would be able to sneak out. But no, she says, we need to be second nearest, so that we’ll still be somewhat on the robbers blind sight, but be second farthest to the robber, in case the robber turns around instead. Haha, I know both explanations sounds stupid, but that’s Anna, she has that ability to make sense of nonsense.

I was sipping my hot chocolate, mind wandering, when a pair of hands cover my eyes. I take a whiff, and I knew it was her. I recognize her combination of her perfume and her hand moisturizer. Its intoxicating.

“Guess who” she says cheerfully

“Pontianak Harum Sundal Malam” I say

She removes her hands and playfully slaps the back of my head while saying “ish….jahat giler”

She walks to the other side of the table and sits down, while smiling.

"So whats up dude? you seem disturbed" and makes that cute face she makes when she said the word "disturbed". I wish she didn't. Makes me want to kiss her even more

"Well, I need to tell you something" I said

"yes, we've established that, hence our meeting here at this sacred spot of ours" she answers rather sarcastically

I take a deep breath, blow it out and say

"Anna, we've been friends for almost 7 years now ya? and we've been through loads and loads together. Good and bad. Through everything, we've got each others back ya?"

She stops smiling, and starts looking worried, and says " Of course, we've always got each others back. You know I love you"

"yeah, and I love you, its just that, this past year, I realised, that I really love you, like really love you as in how couples love each other, like how Emperor Shajahan loved Mumtaz, the whole you jump I jump thing......Anna, I love you." I explain

Her face definitely changed now. From smiley, to concerned to blank. There was a long, long pause, when I finally broke the silence and said

“Anna, wait, before you say anything, let me just throw an explanation in this. This past year, When we hung out almost everyday, I just felt more than before, and so one day I started having this thought in my head, could we have that? That thing couples have, after all that we have been through?. I guess what I’m trying to say is that, I just want to know before you go, that are we a possibility, so that I don’t wonder and kill myself with what if’s all the time you’ll be gone and live in regret.”

She lifts her head up from staring down at the table, and looks straight into my eyes and says

“You dope !!, I’ve been waiting for you to say that you love me like that for 3 years now. Since you fought for me, and punched that idiot, I’ve fallen for you ever since. But I waited and waited but still nothing from you. So I made myself believe, that you’re only in this relationship just to be friends. And you know what made me believe it even more? You introduced me to a guy, and a great guy too. And you know what, I love him, and he says he loves me. So, I’m sorry, but you’re too late. We were meant to be, but you changed fate, when you ignored your feelings, and didn’t have the guts to take a chance.”

The air was punched out of me. Hearing that made me breathless. She was in love with me all along. But she didn’t say anything? She’s the girl, you’re supposed to make the first move stupid. I reached for her hands, held them in mine, and said

“Anna, I’m sorry if I was late, I’m stupid I know, but now that its all out In the open, can’t u reconsider this? The feeling is mutual now. We can work this out”

She looks at me with those eyes and replies “ This is unfair to Jimmy, and to Ronnie. They’ve done nothing wrong. I have something great with Jimmy, and he’ll be there in London with me, he’s studying there too. So, everything is set. And Ronnie loves you, I know, she’s said it to me before. So, Its better for us if we just leave it like this and continue as we were.”

“I gotta run, meeting Jimmy” she gets up, and exits.

I sit there for a few seconds, recapping the conversation, when something clicked in my brain, and immediately I get up and chase her. She was at her car door unlocking when I caught up, gently grabbed her arm, turned her around, and said,

“u didn’t say no”

They looked at each other for 2 seconds, and then they kissed

-end-

Remember people, these kinds of things don’t always end happily ever after, so peeps, If you have that certain someone that strikes your fancy, never leave it late like me, tell them how you feel. If it doesn’t turn out like you imagined, then don’t worry, be happy, because god is great. How does the saying go again, “when one door closes, another one opens” something like that. You get the picture

Sweetness Part Un

He was caught in the middle. He never wanted this at all. He tried to make it work.....but it's all gone to hell. Now he's lost her.

It all started with that memorable evening when he met Alicia at the Library. He was in the business section, searching for a book called "The tales of an economic Assassin", the book he needed to study for his Economics assignment. He couldn't locate the book. So, the obvious thing to do was of course, ask the librarian.

At the Librarian's desk, (her name was Mrs Smythe by the way) he asked,

"Excuse me Mrs. Smythe, could I have a minute" he said in a low hushed voice

"Oh, its you Mr. Jones. Of course you may, how may I help you?" Mrs. Smythe answered with a smile.

" It's just that, I can't seem to locate a book called "The tales of an economic Assassin". I know the Library stocks it, I checked the online system before I came over." he said

"Oh, that book....the last copy just got checked out not half an hour ago. You just missed it, unlucky." she said

"Are you serious? I really needed that book for an assignment due in a week or so" he says in sad tone

"ummmm, I'm not supposed to do this, but seeing that I know you, I'll make an exception..." Mrs.Smythe replied

" Do what Mrs. Smythe?" he asked

"I'm gonna give you the name and ID of the student that just checked out the book, so you can look for her and maybe persuade her to give the book to you first...."

"That's huge Mrs. Smythe, thanks"

"You're a good kid, you deserve a break"

So, after getting the name and student ID , he immediately headed for Student services. He asked them for the students contact number, and when he got it, he proceeded to call her straight away.

The phone rang a few times, when someone picked up.

"Hello, Alicia...Alicia Daniels?" he asked

"Yes, this is she...who is this?" she asked curiously

"I'm sorry to bother you Alicia, I'm Will Jones, and I got your number from student services. I'm calling because I believe that you just checked out a book from the library called "The tales of an economic Assassin"?" he explained

"Yes, I did, is there something wrong? What's it got to do with you?" she replied rather firmly, still unsure about the call

"Well, its just that, I really need that book for my assignment, due next week. So, if its not any trouble to you, I would like to ask your permission to maybe have the book first, until I finish my assignment." he elaborated

" Well, its alright with me I guess, I won't be using the book until next month actually. I just like to read ahead." she was starting to sound pleasant

"Its settled then, when can we meet? are you still on campus?" he asked anxiously

"i'm not actually, i'm staying off campus. we can meet tonight if you want, maybe 9-ish, at Bonzo's ?" she suggested

"That's perfect, I'll see you there then, I'll try and get a table near Bonzo, so it'll be easier for us to find each other"

That night they met at Bonzo's the place where all the Uni students hung out. He sat near Bonzo. Bonzo is a statue of a Zebra, the restaurant mascot. There were only 3 tables near Bonzo, so, it was easier for them.

Will came 20 minutes early so that he made sure she could find him near Bonzo. He ordered a coke, and waited for her to come.

At 10 o'clock sharp, he spotted a woman come in, she was beautiful. She was a brunette with short hair, had just the right amount of curves he liked, and a face that looked beautiful even though, he could see she was not wearing too much make up. He hoped it was Alicia. To his amazement, the woman, walked towards Bonzo, and had that look of a woman that was obviously trying to find someone specific. So, he tried his luck and said

"Umm...Excuse me miss, but you wouldn't happen to be Alicia?"

She was startled, looked at him for a while, and answered " oh....uhuh....i'm Alicia.....you must be Will is it?"

Will, still not believing his luck, said " yeah, i'm Bill.....eh.....I mean Will"

She giggled and reached inside her sling bag to pull out the book and handed it to Will while saying "here Will, enjoy the book" and immediately started to turn to leave when Will opened his mouth to say

"uhm, wait.....do you need to leave already? I mean, if you don't have any plans, I was actually planning on buying you dinner, since you've been kind enough to let me use the book."

She paused for a while at his invitation, which made Will nervous. Finally, she said,

"Sure. I'm not doing anything, and i'm starving by the way"

He was relieved she said yes. So she sat down across from him at the table, and waited for the waiter to take thier orders. When that was done, they started talking.

They started with the basics, where they were from, and then to what they studied, and when thier food arrived they were debating about...

"are you serious?...how can you like Half-Blood Prince rather than Order of the Phoenix? HBP was obviously written so that it would be easier for writers to turn it into a screenplay...." Matt says with enthusiasm, enthusiasm that someone 21 years old should not have regarding the topic of Harry Potter.

"But apart from that, HBP answers most of the questions that were left hanging, and it also adds to the conundrum of Snape, is he good or bad?" she answers calmly

They both pause and fiddle with thier fries for a few moments, and when they looked at each other, they started off smiling, then all of a sudden both of them laughed, probably at themselves, at why they were so passionate about a kids story.

They continued thier conversation while eating dinner, on until dessert and till closing time. They got the message from the waiter to leave when the waiter brought them the bill, when normally you were supposed to pay at the counter. They got the message and Will paid. They left Bonzo's and walked towards the parking lot.

They walked towards Alicia's car first and when they arrived, he said

" Alicia, do you think that maybe we could maybe do this again some time? maybe?..."

She looked at him with those sexy hazel eyes, leaned towards him, and gave him a small peck on his cheek, and whispered.....

" I'd love to...." moved away from him to enter the car, looked back towards him with a smile and said ..."if you stopped saying MAYBE......"

And that was that...... Well......not really

To be continued.....

Not quite a triangle...

She was into him like a fan was into a movie star. She thought that he was an Adonis on earth. So intense was her admiration of him, that if she had seen him walking on the other side of the street, her kness would get week, and she had to hold on to something to avoid falling.


The thing about this scenario was that the so called Adonis, had the same kind of feelings, the whole week in the knees ( but as a guy, that would be un-macho to admit, so he settled for excessive heart pumping), kind of thing....for another girl.


The third character, was the most popular girl in the University. She was the standard, head of everything social, smart, obviously gorgeous, and athletic too, which was a rare thing. She was just swatting off love confessions from guys..(and girls) like a...ummmm.....fly swatter?


So let's recap, and give names to these people. First, the love sick girl, her name was Diane. Then, the love sick guy who was adored by Diane, his name was Matt, and the girl who the guy Diane adored named Matt liked, her name was Anna.


So, this was the love traingle.....but not really a triangle. If u look at it, a triangle has three lines ya? Diane loves Matt, one line. Matt loves Anna, one line. But Anna loves nobody. No line. So, it becomes like a capital "A" without the line in the middle...ahh...u know what I mean.


As fate was going to play it, there was a basketball tourney on campus. It was between the University faculties. Matt was playing for the Business Faculty, and was the star, as he was also on the University team as well. They were up against the Medic Faculty, which was Diane's faculty and she was also the support medical team, she came to support them. (She would have come anyway, for Matt of course). Anna (she was an engeneering student by the way) was on the organsing committee of the tournament, so she was running around, organising.


It was the 4th quarter, and the Business Fac was leading the Medic Fac by 2 points, with 40 seconds on the clock. Medic Fac had the ball, the point guard raising his arms, calling the play, and the team obliged by taking thier positions. 35 seconds to go. The ball was now in the Business Fac's half, the point guard passes the ball inside to the Center. He holds up the ball. 30 Seconds. The Business Fac Shooting Guard, left his mark, to double team the Medic Fac's Center. The Medic Fac's Center, saw this and immediately passed the ball out to the unmarked man outside. 25 Seconds. The ball now on the outside, with the Medic Fac's shooting guard setting up to shoot a three pointer. The ball left his hands, travelled as if in slow motion towards the hoop. And swoosh, the ball went in. The crowd went wild. Medic Fac leads by one.Matt, immediately called for time out. with 20 seconds on the clock.

The coach was furious on the bench. He especially gave a telling off to the guy who left the marker open. He immediately refocused, and took out his plasctic drawing board. He drew out a plan, a tactical plan. Few seconds after that, the ref blew his whistle, and it was time to see if the plan was a good one.

The Business Fac point guard passes the ball to the shooting guard. He in turn passes it back to the PG, at the same time Matt, the PF runs outside (with his marker following him) to the three point area to recieve the ball from the PG. 15 seconds. Matt with almost one touch, passes it back to the PG and immediately spins from his marker and towards the Hoop. His marker, trying to catch him slips, and Matt was open. The PG spots this and passes to Matt, who jumps to dunk the ball. He dunks it just on the buzzer, but not without falling awkwardly due to the Center bashing into him. At that point, Anna was watching Matt. She felt that feeling of amazement. How brave was this guy, putting his body on the line for the sake of his team and team mates. She now felt something for him now, as if cupid had shot one of his little arrows again.

Matt was fell hard on his ankle as well as unconscious caused by the Center banging into him. Diane immediately saw her oppurtunity. She hurried off to see to Matt. She took her out her medical kit, and did the standard operating procedures. She was actually getting worried now, as he was in worse condtion than expected. She called for the other volunteers to strecther him off to the ambulance already ready outside the gym. She followed him in the ambulance, up till the ER. The doctor checked Matt out with the usual tests, and at last asked the nurse to get Smelling Salts. He waved the smelling salts in front of Matt's nose, and in turn, Matt woke up. Diane was relieved.

When Matt was concscious after the smelling salts, he was still groggy, and as fate would have it again, he saw Diane first. He tried to focus, but couldn't so he went back to sleep. The Doc told Diane, it was allright. He's just tired and will be staying at the hospital for the night. Diane stayed with him that night like the loyal lover she was.

The next morning, Matt woke up with a headache, but mist definitely better than the night before. He turned his head, and saw a woman, he did not know, but swears he's seen in his dream, the woman who saved him. He sat up on his bed, and realised his ankle hurt and was bandaged. He slowly got out of bed, and went towards the Angel in his dreams and gently shook her shoulder to wake her up, and when she opened her eyes, he said " excuse me miss, who are you? and how come you're here?". Diane, who was shocked, seeing the love of her life, right in front of her eyes, was speechless. She wanted to kiss him, but no she can't, she had morning breath. So, she immediately closed her mouth with her hand so he wouldn't smell her breath. She spoke
" Umm, I'm Diane, I was on the Medic staff at the game.....you were unconscious.....I followed you on the ambulance.....you had to sleep here......I thought you shouldn't be alone..."

Matt felt the feeling of warmth in his heart. How caring was this woman? Taking care of a stranger like me. And she looked cute too. Then Matt said "No way.....you did that? thats really nice of you. You really didn't have to you know?", she immediately answered, "I wanted to". At that moment, they stared at each other for a whole ten minutes. They started going out after that.

Let's review this. Diane loved Matt, Matt loved Anna, Anna Loved nobody. Now, its Diane and Matt Loved each other. Anna wants to get to know the guy who dunked the winning dunk at the game.

Sometimes, the third party is irrelevant. When two people are meant to be together, fate will see to that. Even if takes some pain in the ankle.


Two weeks after Diane and Matt were dating, Anna worked her magic on Matt. Matt dumped Diane for Anna.



Sometimes, life's just a b***h